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Strange And Silly News From The Newspapers

A 30 year old man was recently prosecuted in Aberdeen for Benefit fraud and jailed for 13 months. He had been claiming benefit for 36 children! A Labour MP expressed concern that such an extraordinary claim had been allowed to happen. He said alarm bells should have been ringing.

A 44 year olds dream holiday to Peru ended with the possibility of her receiving a criminal conviction for passing fake Dollar bills. The woman had bought £400 in dollar bills through Barclays Bank for her 11-day holiday as she was advised it was the best means of paying for things over there. The holiday went well for a few days until an attendant at an exchange office called the police when she tried to change some notes. The police had it confirmed that the notes were fake, arrested the woman and would not let her leave the country until the Embassy intervened and negotiated bail for her. Barclays refused to accept full responsibility and only offered £1500 as a goodwill gesture.

A mother complained to a university that her son spent most of his time sleeping, drinking and smoking, because he did not have enough scheduled tuition. The University professor who was head of the economics department replied to the mother saying that her son had regular meetings and other scheduled sessions and gave details. Her 18 year old son complained when he found out and the professor was threatened with the sack for breaching the privacy of the student.

It seems that the mobile phone is not a new invention at all, but was first demonstrated in 1902 on New Years Day. The inventor, Nathan Stubblefield, a self taught electrician, who was actually a melon farmer in Kentucky, erected a 120 foot high mast in his orchard and broadcast speech to 5 receivers. In 1908 he patented another design that was designed to operate in moving vehicles such as stagecoaches and boats, but unfortunately the inventions were not successful commercially and he died penniless in 1928.

People who call in sick to have a day off to watch the big football match will have to improve their skills, because some companies may soon be connecting up lie detector machines to the telephone answering system at their offices. One trial of the system in London saved £400,000 for the borough in fraudulent benefits. Up to one in 8 days that workers are off sick may be fraudulent and it is hoped that the new generation of voice analysis systems may reduce this.

After 130 years a cattle market may be forced to close after residents complained of the cattle mooing and obtained a noise abatement order restricting the hours that cattle may be delivered or collected. Farmers are used to early hours, but not the modern residents near to the market who say that the 5 am starts are too early. An appeal is being considered.

A chemical, called Oxytocin, has long been used in medicine by doctors treating new mothers, but now research suggests that the naturally occurring hormone might also be used to treat people with personality disorders. The "Cuddle Hormone" which induces feelings of goodwill and increases sociability may well be a wonder drug for autistic children who often have difficulty relating to others.

The jet pack strapped onto a persons back to make them fly as seen in many films has never been totally successful as a practical invention, but now a former pilot has developed strap on wings with built in jet engines. In a demonstration the pilot jumped out of plane at 7,500 feet, unfolded his 10 foot wings, fired up the jets and soared off at 190 miles per hour. The 48 year old and his sponsors have spent more than £120,000 pounds developing the jet wings and intend to perform many trials and demonstrations including flying over the English Channel and Grand Canyon.

We don't realise how different life can be in the Middle East until reports about things like the following reach our papers;- In Saudi Arabia the religious police caught a university professor having a cup of coffee in a coffee shop with a woman who was not a relative. The man will receive 150 lashes and 8 months in jail for his crime.

In Germany 3 babies were found in a family freezer when the mother's other children were looking for a pizza while their parents were away for the weekend. The mother is 46 years old and has 3 grown up children. It is thought that the frozen bodies of the babies had been there since the 1980's when they were probably born.

Roast Beef has been a traditional meal for the British for generations, but British Airways has just taken beef off the menu for economy passengers on its flights because beef and pork might upset certain religious groups such as Hindus. B.A. will now only offer fish pie or chicken.

Prison officers have now been ordered to permit prisoners to collect twigs so that they can use them to decorate their cells and use them as wands in Pagan Rituals. A spokesman said that it sounded like an April Fools joke and he thought that prisoners were taking advantage of the system. A Minister said that Paganism was a religion like any other.

Councils spend millions of pounds every year trying to remove chewing gum from pavements, but that is soon to be no more if a revolutionary new formula for the gum becomes successful. Traditional gum is very sticky, sets hard and does not dissolve readily but the new polymer is much more easily removed. After years of research a scientific team came up with the new substance that can also be used in anti-graffiti paint.

Not all things that smell bad, are bad for you it seems, because scientists have discovered that Hydrogen Sulphide, the traditional stink bomb smell of rotten eggs, can reduce high blood pressure in a patient by widening their arteries.

A 38 year old performance artist who's previous stunts included rolling a monkey nut 7 miles with his nose, walking backwards for 11 miles with a 27lb turkey on his head and eating a corgi called off his latest performance when he feared he would have his eyes pecked out by seagulls. The man had been buried up to his neck in sand on a beach for 30 hours before abandoning his quest because the seagulls were coming very close to him and he "Lost It."

British Paratroopers are having to practise "jumping" in a wind tunnel hired from a commercial company that normally uses it to sell 5 minute "Flights" to the public fairground style. So many planes have been destroyed in recent conflicts and the remaining aircraft are all needed for service that the R.A.F. has no surplus planes for training purposes.

Kent police force has told it's officers not to go out to break up late night parties in case they hurt themselves in the dark. Residents in the area have also been told that if police are not advised in advance that a party or "Rave" is going to take place they will not have the manpower to deal with it and so will not respond.

A proud ex-serviceman soldier father organised a special themed party for his daughters 8th birthday. The theme was pirates so quite understandably he hung a 5ft by 3ft Jolly Roger Skull And Crossbones flag outside his house. The council immediately threatened him with prosecution and ordered him to remove it unless he pays a £95 administration fee to apply for official consent to fly it. As a matter of principal and to highlight the stupidity of bureaucracy, he left it up. A council official said that non official flags, ie not those of countries, counties or religions, have to have legal permission to be flown.

A young thug who assaulted a policeman after drinking 10 pints only received a suspended sentence and a curfew in punishment. That might have seemed lenient enough for his crime, but now another judge in Gloucester Crown Court has lifted his curfew so that he can go away and enjoy a golfing holiday in Portugal with his mates.

It seems that the most expensive dog to own and keep is the Chihuahua. It is estimated that owners of more ordinary doge only spend in the region of £2,000 on average a year to keep their dogs, whereas owners of Chihuahuas are estimated to spend an average of somewhere over £6,000 per year. This would come to an estimated £90,000 over the dogs average 13 year lifetime. It could have something to do with the fact that breed is favoured by the rich and famous and as such the pampered pets are often bought expensive jewelled collars and designer coats.

A carer who was the manager of a sheltered housing scheme received the sack because she breached protocol in working after hours when she was asked to help a terminally ill man who died two days later. According to the employers insurance policy she was not insured after hours. The sacked worker said, "If someone knocks on my door and asks for help I am not going to turn them away," but it seems that is just what she was expected to do. Residents under her care organised a petition to get her re-instated because they said she was the best manager they had ever had, but a spokesman for the housing group would not comment as the case was going to arbitration.

A 54 year old man with a heart condition spent the night in police cells after being arrested for dropping an apple core. The man had popped out to get some drugs for his disabled wife when a young PCSO spotted him and accused him of littering. The 54 year old refused to accept the on the spot fine of £50 as he had not done anything wrong, so back up was called and 5 police officers ended up arresting him. The man could face a £2,500 fine or up to 6 months in prison if found guilty.

One of the world's most dangerous terrorists was granted bail, but will be put under a 24 hour curfew that is expected to cost £500,000 a year to operate. The man arrived in Britain more than 14 years ago on a false passport and claimed asylum which was granted. Human rights laws have prevented him from being deported to Jordan where he is wanted for terrorist atrocities because his life might be at risk.

The Chinese have sent seeds of various vegetable plants up into space in rockets and then germinated the seeds on their return after 2 weeks. The space treated seeds produce plants that grow far bigger than normal with 2lb tomatoes, 14lb aubergines, 2 foot cucumbers, 15stone pumpkins, nine inch chillies and high yield rice and wheat plants. The Chinese scientists claim that it is exposure to the low gravity of space or cosmic radiation that causes the exceptional growth when the seeds are returned and planted. Western scientists are sceptical of the results.

New Government guidelines now state that when a couple are married in a Registry Office they cannot take photos of the happy couple signing the register with the Registrar. It seems that pictures of the register breach data protection laws and could lead to fraud as well as breaching the privacy of others as their signatures might be visible. Some couples are being told to have their photos taken in front of a blank page or dummy book. Critics say this is absurd because the document is public property and the information in it is readily available on the internet.

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